Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
