I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize