how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we're making bets on your personal life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
