The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize