The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
