its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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