i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The best revenge is premature balding
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize