Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
