new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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