Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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