Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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