I have demons in me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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