Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize