did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
