I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
