you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
