I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
