bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
