So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
