They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
