Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
