There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i've created a new STD.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
