i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize