I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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