I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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