In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
