I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
