So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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