the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
