sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
