I am spending my child support on dildos
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
