Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
