the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
