Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
