I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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