a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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