one might say we're banned from that church
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
