remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
