I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
