so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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