my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
