I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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