Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize