I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
