what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
