i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
