Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize