you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
