I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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