Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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