Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
