You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
