We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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