she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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