i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
