Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize