just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
