My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
