No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
