Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
