I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
did i just pee glitter
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
