porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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