I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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