I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
