she was so not down for the gang bang
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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