Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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