I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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