Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
