Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
