the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
