I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
