I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
