U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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