Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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